I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
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