Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i drank out of a bidet.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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