we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
