She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
