ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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