My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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