ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
