At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You're completely useless in the revolution.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
