wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
