No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
