she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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