that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
