my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
