Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
