I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
