I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
