Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
