uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
