i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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