While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
If I die, sorry about rent.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
