you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
