I accidentally had phone sex last night
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
