I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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