Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
