I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize