Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
