she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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