I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
