I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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