Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
