Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
