2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
