I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
