I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
