1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm passing your future prison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize