I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
