And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
