Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
