Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
