Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
