It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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