Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
