You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
