nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize