Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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