sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
