help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
