It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
