Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
