One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Ladies don't puke and tell
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
