were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
