Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
i think my cat just said my name.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
