yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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