He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
