i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
