Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
