hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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