Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
