Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
