Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
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Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
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Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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