I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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