Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
