Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
