worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
