cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
