Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
How does it feel to date your dad?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
