Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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