If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I think I just sharted jello shots
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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