somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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