Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I fill condoms, not promises.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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