just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
